I can't breathe out the right side of my face
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
