Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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