i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
