The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
