So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
