His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize