everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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