Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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