somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
