hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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