And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
it glows. i had to have it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
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Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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