i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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