who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
