im drinking this country out of the recession.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
