you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
