i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
