I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
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She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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