I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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