Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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