Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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