In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
