Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
