***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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