You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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