I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
