it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
