how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I think my moral compass just broke
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
