Got a toothbrush?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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