Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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