it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
