i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
