3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
