Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
