I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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