matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
