playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize