She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
