he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
