she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
