By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize