Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
