He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
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Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
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I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I wish I had a tail.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience