last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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