If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
