I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
