Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
