That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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