So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
