You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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