Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i need an iv and a liver transplant
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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