the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
