i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
