we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
