very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
