This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
