and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
