So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
